Table Manners, How You Can Improve Your Image At The Table

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Once upon a time, at the dawn of mankind, people did not care about table manners during a meal. If you were hungry, you ate in whatever manner it took to get the supper down your gullet.

It wasn't really until society became civilized that there was accepted behaviour at the table. Even in the pecking orders of Roman society, the servants had to know their place and the diners took caution not to offend others by vomiting in the proper vessels after eating and drinking too much.

Manners at the table progressed somewhat by the Middle Ages when there were certain rules for relieving one's bladder at the table. Yes, you could do it, but there was a right and a wrong way to do it. Even proper rules about how loudly one should belch was a show of respect.

The concept of table manners will always be reflective of the culture of the times one live. What we may consider perfectly acceptable today may be looked upon as crude in another few centuries.

The essence of all table manners is respect for yourself and respect for the people around you. You should not disrespect or offend anyone sitting at your table. The time for a meal is supposed to be for light-hearted conversation to make for an easily digestible feast.

Here is a quick crash course to help you with standard table manners:

Foods Which Can Be Eaten With Your Fingers

• Artichokes (not covered in sauce)
• Asparagus (not covered in sauce)
• Bacon
• Bread
• Cookies
• French Fries (chips)
• Fried Chicken (be sure to have a wet napkin handy)
• Fresh Small Fruit (melons not included)
• Hors d'Oeuvres (small items served at parties are okay to pick up by hand, preferably from your own plate and not from the public dish)
• Potato Chips (crisps) and other Snack Chips
• Ribs (no way around this one, but you must have wet napkins handy)
• Sandwiches (this includes hamburgers, but not sloppy joes or other over-stuffed, or sloppy, or open faced sandwhiches)

Just about everything else should require the use of a proper utensil.

Napkin Usage

More formal settings will have a napkin in place. Less formal settings do not require it. This is just a vestige from the older times when a napkin was used to clean up the mess at the table and not really to clean up the person. The napkin was a step up from using the tablecloth to clean up the mess.

If at a function using a napkin, unfold it and place it in your lap. In formal settings, if it drops, request a new one, do not pick it off the floor and use it. At the end of the meal, dab it around your mouth or discreetly rub your hands. Place it next to your plate, not crumpled up or folded, just rest it loosely.

Using The Utensils

Both spoon and fork are held horizontally between the first knuckle of the middle finger and the tip of the index finger. The thumb steadies the handle.

The knife is used with the tip of the index finger and guided gently by the thumb.

In the US the fork is held in the right hand. In Europe, it is held in the left hand.

Once a utensil is used, it must be place on a plate and not on the table or tablecloth.

For formal settings, your host should place the correct amount of silverware needed and arranged in the right order. Use the outermost utensil or utensils, as necessary, one set for each course.

Of course, the thoughtful host will only place one set of utensils per course. When that is finished, the table will be cleared away for the next one supplying clean, new utensils for the meal.

General Rules

At smaller events, you should wait until everyone is seated before you start eating. At larger events, you may start to eat upon the host telling you it is okay to start eating while other guests are arriving to eat.

Know in advance if the host will start the meal with saying grace before you put the first fork in your mouth. If you do not agree with saying grace, don't start eating, but remain quiet while waiting for the others to finish.

Sit up straight, with your arms held near your body. You should neither lean on the back of the chair nor bend forward to place the elbows on the table.

When eating with a fork or spoon, lift it up to your mouth with your head tilted slightly forward. Close your mouth when you deposit the food inside. Chew thoroughly and swallow gently. Do not gulp your food down. Do not eat with your mouth open or make smacking noises.

When eating soup, make sure you gently move the spoon over the surface of the soup going away from you filling the spoon 2/3rd full. Then gently bring it to your mouth which should be not too hot by that time. Don't wildly blow on it. If it is too hot, let it hover over your bowl while you engage in polite conversation. Do not slurp your soup. Sip it if it is a broth, but if it has many food items in it, lean slightly towards the table and place in your mouth then chew gently.

Passing the food around is only done when the food items are brought to the table around empty plates. Other situations has the host bringing the plates with all the food items already on them. The host should place the main item of the meal in front of the guest of honour who should then serve him/herself a reasonable serving and pass the plate or bowl to the guest on the right until the bowl ends up back to the host.

It is not acceptable to reach across the table to get an item. Ask, "Please pass me," to the person closest to the item. If the distance is far or awkwardly across the table, it should pass through to the right until it reaches the person requesting it.

If you have an item of food you do not wish to swallow, such as a seed or bone or piece of fat, discreetly use your napkin and remove it from your mouth and place it on the side of your plate. However, when it comes to fat, you really should have cut it off from the meat before you put it in your mouth.

If you are still hungry and there is no other course ahead, it is perfectly okay to ask for seconds, but at least wait until everyone else is finished with their firsts.

Any bodily functions should be avoided at the table (belching, farting, hiccups...) Politely excuse yourself from the table if you feel it coming on in advance, then come back when you are done. If it sneaks up on you, make your apologies known.

Books To Read

1. Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, Freshly Updated -- by Judith Martin
2. Modern Manners : The Thinking Person's Guide to Social Graces - by Thomas Farley
3. Emily Post's Etiquette, 17th Edition by Peggy Post

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